It's been over a week since she was shot dead over a cell phone weeks before graduating with a nursing degree. I remember that day when I arrived early for the day's work and the night duty rad tech was explaining how things were when she was brought to the E.R. while the rest of the staff and I were looking at her chest x-ray film on the view box. Incidentally, an hour or so later, I was attending one of the radiology consultant's readings and her chest x-ray came up again. We fell into the discussion of the events, which somehow lead to concern over the safety of this lone female resident as the secretary mentioned the dim lit road I pass through on the way home every night. The official reading was delayed to clarify some matter. Since I happened to have my missal with me that day, I said the responsory prayers for the dead for her.

Past forward to today, when i overheard the receptionist mention that an official result was needed for documentation to file cases against the accused. I found myself later that afternoon being handed by the secretary her chest x-ray film for a preliminary reading to be approved by the radiology consultant. I showed it to two of the medical interns/senior clerks rotating in our department which lead to another discussion of the circumstances of her death.

Death can come at any time, in any manner. Cases like this remind me of that fact. One has to be ready at any moment to face the end of life here on earth.

My common colds has just developed into laryngitis with the accompanying symptoms of hoarseness... Well, you get the picture.

I do have no intentions of being absent for the next few days until my vocal cords function normally, but it's just as well... Certain situations at work have made me realize that it doesn't matter anyway whether I make my views known clearly or not as the case may be... Some people will just not be sensitive enough to give you due respect, nevermind your position of some authority, and nevermind if you demand it... And it gets harder with emotions in the way. And so I continue to pray that my next actions will see me through situations that may or may not develop in the days ahead.

In the meantime, I guess I'll be doing more writing than talking and just bear the teasings expected of the illness that has befallen me. When my voice returns, I just hope that I shall be heard, listened to, and even given just a little more of the respect that I believe is due to me.

Those red millipedes have been everywhere these past few weeks at our home. I'm not one to be afraid of creepy crawlies (my fascination for living things and a semester of Entomology took care of any remaining fears...) but it has been driving everyone else in my household nuts (most especially Mama and probably my sister). I don't mind them around at all even in the bathroom... Yup, I'm not the typical shriek-and-squish type at all. I would usually ignore them, or at least let them turn into a ball before throwing the still living thing into the wastebasket...

I kind of feel sorry for these creatures which seem to be totally out of place in our urban home. We do still have a lot of open space in our garden outside, so why do they end up indoors at all?

I wonder if anyone else has been having a similar "situation".

Theories, anyone?

A few days ago found me on an almost-cancelled night out with a few friends singing our hearts out karaoke-style! We had ate, we had fun, we sang in and out of tune, and we had loads of laughs.

Now, the problem: I was on duty the night before and was on duty again the following day as someone was on leave for a convention... So, I had to cope with double the tiredness as well as an immunocompromised state...Right now I'm now currently nursing a bad case of upper respiratory tract infection (in plain English: common cold with a bad cough) over this three-day weekend. I just hope I can cope with my usual weekday duties come tomorrow...

It's been more than a month, but I'm still adjusting. It's not really as demanding as the residency training programs for other specialties, but I'm beginning to see the responsibilities can be quite daunting, and stressful .... And like in my internship/ senior clerkship and post-graduate internship years, I have had my "moments".

February 1 was the day I was officially left to my own devices by the chief resident, although he would sometimes pop in to see me through some of the trickier procedures. Really, the fluoroscopy machine is not for the faint hearted, and the one in this particular hospital happens to have a mind of its own (read: would move even if I have already pushed all the buttons to lock it in place). It's a little heavy, and I'm this dainty female... well, you get the picture.

My first patient on Feb 1 was this patient who was practically uncooperative the whole time. I don't think I got a decent spot view at all. Was glad the second year resident was around to give some direction...but I still had to do all the positioning of the patient, cajoling, doing everything to get her to cooperate, mostly to no avail. The procedure took about 4 times longer than it normally would. Also, my tech happened to still be a probee.... It was stressful, but we all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

Maybe, the reason why I got her as a first patient was to prepare me for all the sorts of people I would be performing different procedures on.

Yesterday, on duty in the CT-scan, we had a patient from a well-known old-rich family who was quite gracious and undemanding... the type of patient you wish you had everyday. The first time we injected contrast, the dye extravasated through her vein. I was completely mortified, as it was also the first time it ever happened on my watch, and I was the one who inserted the IV catheter in the first place. Nevertheless, she was the one who simply pointed out to me that it wasn't the first time it had happened to her, and her pain threshold was high anyway, so I didn't have to worry about having offending her or caused her much pain ...The procedure went on without anymore incident as I found another vein (this time, flushing was done twice to make sure that it was patent and injection flow rate was slowed down) tha was patent. She even thanked me after the procedure. Now I know the real meaning of the word breeding.

Last Thursday, I performed a special procedure on a patient. He came back on Friday to get his result and bring food: roasted chicken and puso (cooked rice wrapped in coconut leaves, diamond-shaped). I reminded him of course that it was a Friday, and I was abstaining from eating meat. I accepted the food though, and the rest of the staff (including my seniors) ate the food. If I'm not mistaken, all of them were catholic like me and were supposed to be abstaining from meat as well.... The prevailing misconceptions are:

1. If you have not had the Ash Wednesday mark on your forehead yet, you are exempted from abstinence and fasting.-> All Catholics 14-59 years are bounded to abstain from meat, all aged 18-59 are bound to fast, irregardless of whether you already had your forehead marked. Fasting means one full meal in a day, two half meals and no morning or afternoon snack.
2. Chicken is not meat since it's a bird -> We have to abstain from pork, beef and bird meat as well. Fish, Seafood, Eggs, Fruits and Vegetables are acceptable.

So, I ended up not enjoying the treat given by the patient. I later learned that his nephew worked at the hospital... and their business it... selling roasted chickens!

I wonder what else may be in store for me in the coming weeks, months and years of my residency....

Just in time for Valentine's Day this coming Thursday, I got these interesting articles from my weekly free email subscription to zenit.org.

You can read these articles by clicking on the titles below:

The Way to a Woman's Heart Is Through Her Nose

Female Objectification Not All Fault of Men

Congress Highlights Man's Role in Promoting Women