HAPPY? 10/12/2008 12:27:00 PM

For a long time, I have been wanting to blog about this, maybe to overcome my melancholic-phlegmatic temperament... or maybe this is just another aftermath of the crying session I (again) had last night for another irrelevant reason?

I have my ups and downs, my insecurities, worries, concerns and I am the typical maldita... Yes, things can get to me the moment they occur... And in retrospect, I have done several things I wish I never did (mostly things that come out of my mouth....) And yet, I am at a point of my life that inspite of all the external things going on, I am happy and at peace (yup, the real deal "gaudium cum pace").

I remember being asked in a high school English class what everyone of us wanted to have the most. I answered, "Serenity." I must have been at another highly stressed near-depressive episode at that time... And now, I can say that, I have finally found it.

Joy and peace comes when you know that you are doing the right thing at the right time, although mistakes may be forecoming along the way. It is knowing that you care for a lot of people, and you are being cared for as well. Someone will guide you as you also guide others. When you stumble and fall, you can run back into the confessional and get up again. It is leaving all the silly fears behind since anyway, when you make a mistake, you will be told and helped to make amends.

It is alright that you aren't perfect. The important thing is you are striving to atain heaven.

Everyday, I see people in the hospital, people I work with and work alongside with and I sometimes wonder if those seemingly cheerful faces have a sadness to hide. In one way or another, I find out that at times everything is just a facade, and this or that person seems to have no idea where his/her life is headed... Another party, another ball game, vices, pleasures... I would sometimes just shake my head, and silently pray (I'm not the type of person who will say things unless that audience is at an apt time to listen) for that soul's concerns.

And all these wrong notions about how one has to live one's life... I know that if I shall ask them: "Are you happy?", they would probably say "Yes", but as a lie. When will they wake up and realize that things can get so much better?

Once again, I shall say, "I may not be prefect, and oh, I have so many defects... Yet deep inside I am secure in the love of God for me... And that brings with it all the joy, peace and serenity that I need for myself and to be shared with those around me as well."