At several points in my life, I have had my share of rejections, rebuffs, even - believe it or not- an attempt to get signatures to get rid of me.

Somehow, I find myself wondering if never having to face such circumstances would have been better...

It's true that I would have been spared the pain, the fears, the anxiety, yet at the cost of missed chances to show that I can change, I can be brave, I can rise to the occasion.

Would it have been better otherwise? ... Not at all!

"Omnia in bonum."

While waiting for the results of my third and last Philipine Board of Radiology examinations, I have been thinking of a post for my long-neglected blog. At this point of my life, I could think of no better post than to explain why I am a Roman Catholic, who happens to be a medical doctor. I definitely was baptized 25 years before I passed the medical board exams and became serious in living my faith a couple of years before I stepped into a secular medical school.

I still find it disheartening that many of my colleagues think "Ethics is relative" (believe it or not, the one who said this actually is a member of a Catholic charismatic group) or declare in public that one uses oral contraception herself (at the same time she used to be a lector and name-drops members of the team of pastors at my parish) or is thinking of going into the ethically questionable subspecialty of mainstream reproductive endocrinology and thinks teaching only Natural Family Planning to indigents is impossible (said OB-GYN is also member of a Catholic charismatic group) or be in a mandated parish organization while being riled up that the sterilization census at the OB-GYN department in a local government hospital one heads is at an all-time low.... I could go on and on with a list of people with this one question in mind---Why do you leave your Catholicism outside the door when confronted with professional and personal decisions? And yes, it can get so ignorant and bad as the above lector stating "for the success of the in-vitro procedure of..." as one of the Mass intentions. This sort of compartmentalization of personal, professionsal and religious spheres of one's life into different nooks and cranies has to stop!

I for one cannot understand why people who spend years working on their profession cannot take the time to study and give importance to their own doctrinal-spiritual growth which should be evem more important than their professional formation. When I met and eventually joined Opus Dei, I learned that this was also an important aspect of one's life-long formation. Right next to my medical books, I also read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, a medical ethics book by a priest who used to work as a medical doctor, and read encyclicals such as Humanae Vitae and Evangelium Vitae. I took the time to attend classes and talks on marriage, chastity, sexuality and ethics. I spent time studying up on issues related to my profession as well. I accepted as my own and made the effort to defend the Church's stand on life issues.

My being a future radiologist is not the most important thing. Being a Roman Catholic and trying to live faithful to the teachings of the Magisterium comes first.

There is something about change, about several possibilities open to you that can be frightening. That's the reason why these upcoming exams seem to appear so overwhelming, even if I'm sure that passing is not the end all and be all of my professional career...

And then there are realizations pointed out to you that make you second guess what you have thought that you have gotten figured out for years. It seems like you might never have belonged from the start, and all the effort was at a loss right from the beginning...

And thus one reaches the crossroads...

What path do I take now? Where is this road about to lead me?

A day at a time... Taking a step at a time...

I'm in for another long holiday from most internet activity (except for email) in order to study for two sets of diplomate exams in January. Pray for me and wish me luck.

By a twist of fate, I will be asked to cover for the ultrasonologists at the hospital where I am working even before I have passed all my diplomate exams. It just so happens that both will be out of town for the duration of two whole days with no one available to cover for them. Who wouldn't be apprehensive in such circumstances?
I guess I shall have to rise up to the occasion...

For about a decade now (and without fail), I have realized that our Lord, in his loving providence, and out of special love for me, would send me, every year sometime around my birthday, what I now refer to as my "Birthday Cross".
It is oftentimes a small thing, only bearing value and meaning to myself, but at times, also some tragic or seemingly catastrophic event.
I do know that He uses it in order to teach me the reason behind suffering and slowly lead me up the path to my heavenly home.
I also try to be grateful for His gift by trying to offer it up, though it may be hard, in order to further some apostolic plan.
It is perhaps no coincidence that I received the Sacrament of Baptism on the 14th of September, seven days after I was born...