I never thought my first month of second year residency would keep me so busy that I could hardly fine time to post in my blog and get my hair fixed up (boy, that's a whole other story!). Now there's a first year resident once in a while asking for my help (kind of a dejavu in reverse since she was one of the PGI's while i was an intern a.k.a. senior clerk in the pediatric rotation at the local government hospital), I'm trying to figure out the multiple sequence images in the MRI, fixing up the two lectures on pediatric radiology assigned to me at the medical school affiliated with the teaching hospital I work at, and a last minute can't-say-no-to request from the gastroenterology fellow to lecture on the imaging of the pancreas (hey, she was my group preceptor way back in my first year of medical school... can't say no to such a request!)

I also had to do some soul-searching after a few issues regarding my apparent lack of social skills and insensitivity to the needs/feeling/emotions of patients, their relatives, the staff, my fellow residents in the department and elsewhere, the consultants; and a seeming perception that I was not fulfilling my duties as a radiology resident. The last one was kind of a shock as it was the second time it was pointed out to me by the department chairman and training officer since I started out and here I was totally unaware (just like the first time my attention was called) and I was again guilty of the charges all over again. I am still kind of reeling from the experience (yup, up to the point of seriously questioning whether I am fit to pursue this line of work in the first place... Maybe I should switch to being a medico-legal officer-I mean the dead don't complain, do they?). Thoughts of resigning seriously crossed my mind and I again spent several days pretending nothing was wrong when I ended up crying my heart out for a few days.

Once in a while, it still crosses this melancholic mind of mine and I am now overly cautious about dealing with patients to the point that I sometimes refuse to be the one to face a patient if I find out that the situation may be a little difficult and let the receptionist or the radiologic technologist explain things to the patient. It may sound like paranoia, but I am no stranger to the intrigues and uncomfortable situations which seem to follow me as it did a few instances when I got in trouble for being insensitive and naive as an intern and a pgi.

I'm now beginning to figure out what's wrong with me and trying to fix it... I hope though that no more strikes would come my way... three strikes and you're out they say... Nevertheless, the words I will write in a possibel future forced resignation letter already come to my mind...

Pray for me... Please...